grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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