oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
