Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
