everyone is single if you try hard enough
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
