How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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