oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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