My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Randomize
