I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize