dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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