you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
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