yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
