Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
