And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
