I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
