my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
