he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
