he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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