is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
