i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
