just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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