Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
