im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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