i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
