ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
