Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
