we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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