is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
