I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
