can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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