I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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