I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
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