I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
