One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
