dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Randomize
