he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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