listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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