My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
