do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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