Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
Swine flu is the new snow day.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
