There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
