Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
