Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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