Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
