Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
