I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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