nut hugger
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
