I can't watch pbs sober anymore
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
