What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
