First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
