I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
you made out with another girl for some wings
So vagazzling was a success
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
