I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
