You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
