wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
