and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
