Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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