Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
