I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
