The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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