Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
