I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
