I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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