dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
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