if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
