She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Randomize
