she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
