i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
