hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize