chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
