wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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